


A Holiday Miracle (Of Sorts)

by rosesisupposes



Series: Happy Poly-Days [1]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: "Big Guy" is a pet name and you can fight me on that, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Anxious Ryan Bergara, Bisexual Kelsey Impicciche, Bisexual Ryan Bergara, Bisexual Sara Rubin, Bisexual Shane Madej, Bottom Shane Madej, Canon Quotes In A Very Different Context, Christmas Party, Curly Ships It Too, Established Relationship, Everyone's Bisexual, Feelings, First Kiss, First Time, Getting Together, Hand Jobs, Holidays, Jokes While Fucking, Let Shane Be A Bottom Dammit, M/M, Mistletoe, Must Be Christmas Cause Look At All This Pine(ing), Overthinking, Polyamory, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Ryan & Sara are best friends, Ryan-centric, Sara Knows Exactly What She's Doing, Sara Ships It, Tender Sex, Top Ryan Bergara, established polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-03
Updated: 2019-12-03
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:34:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21661468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosesisupposes/pseuds/rosesisupposes
Summary: Ryan's not really feeling the Christmas spirit this year. It has nothing to do with Sh- withanyonehe works with.Nope.Not at all.
Relationships: Ryan Bergara & Sara Rubin, Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej, Shane Madej/Sara Rubin
Series: Happy Poly-Days [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1566922
Comments: 29
Kudos: 93





	A Holiday Miracle (Of Sorts)

**Author's Note:**

> Everyone's bi and poly because I can :]
> 
> Note: I write RPF as if they were characters, based on the personas they play in videos/in public. I don't have headcanons about their actual lives. If your name is mentioned in the tags, be sure to read _all of them_ and know that, for me, this is the adult equivalent of pushing dolls together and saying "now kiss," nothing personal.

Ryan Bergara is absolutely fine.

Why wouldn’t he be? He’s got a job making and producing videos, everything he’s wanted since he was young with Hollywood dreams. And he can relax in front of the camera, so much more than he used to, because it turns out fans _ like _ that. They like _ him. _

What a concept, right?

And, on top of all that, he has wonderful, amazing friends. He’s got Kelsey, a ray of sunshine who always has a nice word to share. He’s got Sara, a five-foot-four-and-a-half-inches ball of fierce intelligence, artistic ability, and sarcasm. And then, of course, he has Shane.

Who is currently snacking on hot dogs and french fries in the Buzzfeed lunch room and humming something that sounds suspiciously like the fucking Hot Daga ballad.

Which Ryan _ did not like, _ thank you very much. He didn’t, and he doesn’t. It never made any sense, he never got invested in how Shane might have resolved the fucking time loop, he is _ not _ disappointed that he no longer gets to watch and roll his eyes as Shane lights up and leans in to all the voices and dramatics.

He does not remember the day the higher-ups told them the animation cost too much and they wouldn’t keep producing it. The sight of Shane’s face going carefully blank as he nodded and said he understood is not burned into his memory.

Ryan is absolutely fine.

Kelsey slides onto the bench next to him with a bright smile. “Happy holidays, y’all!”

Sara, sitting next to Shane, pauses from stealing his french fries to grin back at her. “You’re feeling the holiday spirit already? It’s barely November!”

Kelsey shrugs. “What can I say? I love the whole season! Excuses to see family and to invite friends over and to give everyone presents! And also cookies!”

Sara leans into Shane, squeezing his arm. “That’s adorable, Kels. I’m just glad that Hanukkah actually overlaps this year and we get most of that week off.” Shane smiles and plants a kiss in the middle of her curls.

“Someone up there clearly loves you a _ lot- _ ke!” he jokes. The table groans, and Ryan steals a french fry just to throw it at his face. He turns just in time and catches it in his mouth. Munching away, he catches Ryan’s eye and _ winks. _

It’s a normal thing for him to do. He winks all the goddamn time. At Sara, at Kelsey, at Ryan, at TJ and Mark and even Katie. Sometimes at the servers at his favorite taco place. He’s a promiscuous winker, is the point. A serial winker. So not only should Ryan stop trying to read anything into it, he should also be _ used to it by now, dumbass. _

_ If anyone’s the dumbass here, it’s you, _ he thinks back at his internal narrator. This argument has been going back and forth for a while now and he’s sick of it. Then he realizes that it all still boils down to him being a dumbass. Great.

“Ry, you normally go all in for the Christmas spirit, right? I’m surprised you didn’t have Mariah on the minute we passed Halloween!”

Ryan’s pulled out of his own head by Kelsey’s question. He looks up and pastes a smile on. It’s never hard, with her. She’s easy to smile around. “I dunno, guess it hasn’t really caught me yet this year.”

“Does this mean I’m not getting dragged into being a public, festive nuisance on LA beaches this year?” Shane asks with a raised brow.

“You’re the one who starts screaming and swearing when we’re on location, and _ now _ you’re worried about being a nuisance?”

“That’s different,” Shane responds smugly. “The locations we go to don’t have anyone in them. Or any_ thing.” _

“Shut up, Shane,” Ryan shoots back. 

It only makes him smile bigger. “Would you say you’re not feeling the _ spirit _ of the season? Haven’t been visited by the _ ghost _of Christmas?”

Ryan rolls his eyes as Sara and Kelsey laugh. Shane’s clearly pleased with himself, eyes crinkling into crescents behind his glasses. 

Ryan leans over and grabs a handle of fries. “I’m taking these as joke tax. These are reparation fries.”

“‘Oh, no, Shane, I don’t want any fries, I’m good,’ my _ ass,” _ Shane quotes in an exaggerated Ryan-voice. “I swear, the little guy’s worse than you, Sar.”

“Classic Date-Steals-Your-Food syndrome. Millions are affected every year,” Sara nods sagely, stealing another handful for herself. She looks up and makes eye contact with Kelsey, then takes yet another handful from Shane’s tray to pass to her across the table.

“I’m being robbed! Stolen from! Ransacked!” Shane exclaims. “If this is Date-Steals-You-Food syndrome, I will require dozens of dates to make up for the loss.”

“Don’t worry, big guy, I gotcha covered,” Ryan offers. He forces his face into what he knows looks like a lazy, self-confident grin. The best mask he has for bullshit and also for truth-disguised-as-bullshit. “I’ll treat you to only the finest Mexican fast-food this city can offer. I’ll even get you one of those IPAs that sounds like they threw darts at a list of weird adjectives and 1800s occupations.”

Shane shrugs, still grinning all crinkly. “What can I say, the Berg-man knows what I like.”

Sara winks at Ryan, saying, “I’ll _ bet _ you do.” Not only is Shane’s winking promiscuous, he’s clearly contagious. “But it’s true, Shane, you’re easy. To take out, I mean. A real cheap date.”

Shane props his chin in both palms, fluttering his lashes as he sighs happily. “Who says romance is dead?”

“Hmm, so mexican takeout and weird hipster beer, adding those to the holiday party list,” Kelsey puts in, leaning on her hand. “Which, by the way, y’all’re not only invited to but also required to attend. Theme is ugly sweaters, holiday or not, the more over-the-top, the better.”

“I’m only coming if there’s spiked nog & mistletoe,” Sara tells her. “Or at _ least _ some mulled wine. And also I get to make everyone sing the dreidel song.”

Kelsey laughs, golden hair falling back in the light. “You drive a hard bargain, Sar. You got it.”

**~~~~~**

It’s over a week later when Ryan and Sara finally grab lunch together in the break room. Normally, it’s a much more frequent habit, but it’s been a bit. Especially when they’re shooting, Ryan needs to get away from the bigger crowd of employees, and Sara’s always such a refreshing break. There’s a reason they’ve been friends since he first arrived, even before he started working with Shane or before Shane and Sara got together.

Ryan doesn’t resent them, really. He loves them both and they just _ work _ together. It’s only been a couple of years and they’re already able to communicate without words, and it’s only because Ryan knows them both independently that he can even tell it’s happening.

“So, you back on your Yuletide Bullshit yet?” Sara asks with a smile.

Ryan shrugs. “It’s weird, I’m still not. Feels like something’s missing, not sure why. Maybe because Thanksgiving is so late this year.”

“Mmm. Shane’s actually felt the same way. He keeps saying it’s because of LA’s unnatural lack of snow, but that didn’t stop him the last two years. He even got Obi an advent calendar of kitty treats last year! And then another one of chocolate for himself except I claimed it and replaced all the chocolate I ate with gelt.”

“You know he _ let _you steal it, right? You weren’t sneaky.”

“I’ll have you know I’m _ very _ sneaky. I’m a tiny ninja. I’m so below his eye level that I can get away with anything completely undetected.” She tosses her hair for effect. “But _ anyway _ I’ve decided that what he needs to get into the Holiday Cheer is to go all-out at the holiday party.”

Ryan raises an eyebrow. “You think he needs the encouragement? I remember last year. I never even knew he _ knew _so many ultra-specific carols until he stole the karaoke mic.”

Sara leans on her hand. “Yeah, but you were up there with him. So _ you _need to get him there again.”

“I do, do I?”

“Your mission, should you choose to accept it,” she says with a wink (it’s a goddamn epidemic!). “Get him in that Tube-Man-At-A-Car-Dealership dance mood. That’s his peak date mode, people love it.”

“Oh, uh, yeah,” Ryan says, suddenly stumbling over his words and trying to cover for it. “Y’all’re still doing the poly thing?”

“Mmhm. It’s going well, too. He’s feeling more comfortable about broadening his horizons.”

“If that means he’s getting into kinky shit, all I can say is, I knew this day would come-”

“More like finally getting a Grindr account, but it could be both,” Sara replies evenly.

Ryan’s mind halts for a moment. Then two. He really needs to say something, this only gets weirder the longer it takes him to respond, and Sara looks smugger by the second-

“I thought he was only dating other women?” he blurts out, a bit blunter than intended.

“He was, at first. Not recently though.”

Ryan frowns in confusion. “But, I thought- he was talking to Kelsey the other day, wasn’t he?” The clip is vivid in Ryan’s memory. Shane and Kelsey standing in the empty break room, just visible through the open door as Ryan had walked in that direction from across the office. They’d been leaning near the water cooler, both wearing smiles, Kelsey’s looking a bit more shy than normal. Shane had leaned down to murmur something in her ear, something that made her giggle even as a tinge of pink crept into her cheeks. And he’d winked at her just before he’d spotted Ryan entering.

“Oh, he was, and yeah, that was about this. But he was wingmanning for _ me,” _Sara says, twirling a curl around her finger.

“You need a wingman?”

Sara grins, a little smug. “Not really. But it’s good to verify our open status with people we’re pursuing. Assuming they don’t already know, of course. It’s easy to tell when he’s just helping me, though.”

“Really? How?” Ryan asks, burying his face in his mug to hide the cyclone of thoughts whipping around his brain.

“He was being smooth, or at least charming as he can be. When he’s working on his own dates, he defaults to awkward and gangly, if he can even talk to the guy first.”

Ryan makes a noncommittal sound of understanding, but his brain is currently rocketing through the atmosphere. When he’d first realized that he’d developed a crush on his friend and co-host, he figured he’d always just be his ‘root’. He’d expected Shane would remain the one who helped him properly realize he was bi, but never become anything more. But Shane likes men, apparently. And he and Sara are open and looking. And maybe that means-

Ryan pulls himself back from delusions. They’re all still such close friends. It might make things weird, if he starts anything with Shane and Sara knows and then these nice lunches will be tinted with the undercurrent of “the girlfriend and the boyfriend’s boyfriend” and how could that _ not _ be weird?

Unless. Unless Ryan were to be the boyfriend of _ both _ girlfriend and boyfriend. Was that something he wanted? The thought had never occurred to him before but…

“Earth to Ryan. Come in, Ryan,” Sara says, waving her hand in front of his face. “Havin’ fun out in space?”

Ryan shakes himself back into focusing on her with a smile. “Sorry, just thinking of something.”

“Was that something thinking about my boyfriend in terms of yourself?” she asks with a wink.

Ryan sputters. “I- you- Him? Uh, no, I was just-”

“It’s okay, I won’t make you say it out loud,” she says, lifting her hands in the universal ‘I come in peace’ gesture. Ryan can feel his face heating and hopes it’s not quite as obvious as it feels. Sara stands to toss her trash and recycling away, then comes back to nudge Ryan in the shoulder. “I mean it. I’m not going to ask you to admit to anything, but between you and me? _ Get it, _ man. Holiday party. You. Shane. An end to this weird banter-y-insult-y-flirting thing you two have been doing for the better part of two years. It’ll be this year’s true holiday miracle.” With one last wink, she slips out of the break room back to her desk, leaving Ryan with a strange warm feeling in his chest that’s mostly drowned out by the sound of his internal panic.

Ryan is absolutely _ fine. _

**~~~~~**

Ryan spends the remaining weeks until the holiday party overthinking, well, everything. He may love basketball with all his heart and soul, but this is the sport in which he truly excels.

On the one hand, the _ friends _ thing. He platonically loves Sara and Shane independently as much as he loves them together. They’re both happy, they feed off and into each other’s weirdness in a mutually-affirming way that exasperates Ryan as much as it warms him to see it. Their dynamic, even with (especially because of?) the comical height difference, _ works._

The worst case scenario is that Ryan fucks that up in any way.

That’s a lie. There are much worse case scenarios. Ryan’s thought of several.

_ Sara was wrong and Shane’s not into men, actually. Sara was right about that part, Shane’s into men, but he’s decidedly _ _ not_ _ into Ryan. Shane finds Ryan’s clumsy attempts to hit on him off-putting or predatory. Shane starts avoiding Ryan for everything but Unsolved. Shane quits Unsolved. Shane quits Buzzfeed entirely. Shane is so disgusted that he and Sara _ _ both_ _ quit and move away from LA and Ryan never sees either of them again. And they tell the whole company in explicit detail why they’re leaving, so the whole company knows and mocks or ostracizes Ryan until he’s pushed out and ends up alone and destitute in a cardboard box on fucking Sunset Boulevard. _

Okay. This may be a bit out of hand.

Sara said Shane was talking to Kelsey for her, right? So friends/coworkers can’t be entirely off-limits. It’s possible that Ryan could have a place, somehow. That taking Sara’s somewhat-terrifying advice to pursue Shane won’t end in a dynamic so awkward that the whole office can feel it.

But, well. Pursuing. _ Pursuit. _ Ryan’s never really tried to go after a guy. There was that one time in college, but the guy had been a frat brother about to graduate and it had been after a night of shots and beer. Elbows digging into each other’s sides about pong skills had turned into hands grasping each other’s waists had turned into stumbling upstairs had turned into a murmured blessing of the ease with which basketball shorts could be pulled down and off had turned into a haze of fumbling hands and sloppy kisses and a sticky mess that, once cleaned, had never been discussed again. There’s two reasons Ryan’s never been sure about his attraction to men until now, and those reasons are alcohol and a history of very impulsive decision-making when drunk. Ryan doesn’t have the first idea about how to flirt with men. Let alone a man he actually knows already. Let alone a man as unique and familiar as _ Shane. _

Ryan isn’t comfortable with things that are this new unless he's able to research and plan. Attempts at research find him guides for how women should flirt (unhelpful), advice on Grindr profiles (also unhelpful), and many pages of gay porn (very intriguing, in a furiously-jacking-off kind of way, but ultimately getting a little ahead of himself). He’s left just worrying over scenario after scenario until the evening of the party itself.

_ Every time I’ve found myself attracted to men before Shane, I was drunk, _ he thinks. _ Getting drunk is a plan, right? _

But it’s still a work party, as wild as Buzzfeed tends to get around holidays. So perhaps not plastered. A nice buzz, then.

He has his obnoxious Christmas sweater on, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and a Santa hat that Kelsey had plopped on his head as he entered the private room of a bar that had been rented for the occasion. She was glowing like Rudolph’s nose, presumably a combination of the drinks and the actual Rudolph on her sweater that lit up with the press of a hidden button. 

Ryan greets his coworkers as he winds his way to the drinks table. Sara is there, shining and sparkling in a Hanukkah sweater with a light-up menorah. She hands him a glass of eggnog that by smell is at least 80% rum and fills his hand with a plate of latkes. She winks at him as she pushes him off into the crowd, turning to serve the next person.

Ryan thinks for a half-second that she’s just distracted, then realizes as he bumps into him that she’s pushed him directly into Shane.

“Hey, big guy,” he says, toasting him with his nog.

“Good to see you looking festive, Ry!” Shane calls back with a happy smile and returning the toast with his own cup. He’s wearing a Krampus sweater in dramatic red and black with actual glowing eyes, and someone (Ryan suspects Kelsey) has stuck a pair of felt antlers on his head. 

“I’m surprised those haven’t fallen off the big ol’ noggin yet,” Ryan says, pointing with a grin. “Do antlers come in XL?”

“I went buck hunting myself, just to find points big enough,” Shane replies, eyes crinkling. “Look at you in your Christmas sweater! If it isn’t Santa’s favorite elf!”

“That better not be a short joke, Long Legs,” Ryan shoots back, grinning.

“I wouldn’t dare, not when you’ve got the guns out,” Shane waggles a finger around his cup to indicate Ryan’s forearms.

“I was considering just cutting the sleeves off and going for the full Christmas Bro look, you think I could pull it off?”

Shane mutters something, staring at where Ryan had awkwardly mimed scissors around his bicep, hindered by his glass.

“Sorry, what?”

Shane’s eyes dart back to Ryan’s face. His face is oddly red. “Uh, ‘that looks like Boris Karloff?’”

Ryan isn’t sure if he’s hearing the question mark at the end correctly. “...the guy from Frankenstein? I wouldn’t do _ that _ bad a job at cutting it.”

“Hahaha, Ry, you’re so funny!” Shane says, except he’s actually saying the words instead of laughing and his eyes are darting everywhere but Ryan’s face. “Uh, I think I see Lim, someone said he was looking for me, see you later!” He flees as quickly as a loping man of six-odd-feet can, weaving through the crowd of employees to some point on the opposite side of the room.

Ryan stares after him. Fuck, did he mess up? Should he not have made fun of him? Wouldn’t Shane have noticed if he _ hadn’t _ made fun of him? Or maybe it was the bro comment, maybe it makes Shane uncomfortable or overly aware that Ryan is, to the best of the general world’s knowledge, a straight former frat boy?

He finds a table to put his drink down and eats the latkes distractedly, still worrying. 

Sara slides over to his table. “Hey Ry, what’s got you with the overthinking face? You may not have noticed, but this is a _ party.” _

Ryan smiles at her. “I know. I just- Shane and I were talking and then he took off suddenly and I don’t know what I did.”

Sara pats his arm sympathetically. “Were you eating a candy cane?”

“What? No.”

“Hmm, you should try that near him. Just a tip. As long as you didn’t spill on him or insult his mom it was probably a Shane thing rather than a you thing.”

“Are you sure-”

“Sorry, can’t help you be a functional bi, I promised Kelsey I’d help with the finishing touches on the decor!” she says merrily, flitting away with a wine glass in her hand.

Ryan tries to stop her but immediately gives up. Instead, he polishes off the rest of his nog.

He gets himself a mulled wine, mingling with his coworkers. He chats with Teej for a bit, and Katie, and ends up next to Andrew when suddenly there’s whoops and cheers behind them. The crowd turns to see Kelsey and Sara both ringing bells to get everyone’s attention.

“Thank you, everyone! Thank you for coming out tonight!” Kelsey calls, holding her glass in her free hand in a toast. “Here’s to a wonderful holiday season!” 

The crowd toasts back, calling out greetings and cheers. 

“And let’s hear it for Kelsey and the party committee!” Sara jumps in, and there’s another round of cheers.

“Just one last thing before I let you all get back to making merry!” Kelsey says. “May I have a tall volunteer?”

Ryan looks automatically for Shane, but he’s already there, near them, and Sara’s tugging him out of the crowd.

“We’re all ready to Jingle Bell Rock, but we haven’t quite finished Decking the Halls!” Kelsey says, and her smile is spreading wider. Sara’s smirking too, and Ryan suddenly has terrible visions of inappropriate decorations, but Kelsey’s sidled over to a table and is hiding whatever it is behind her back.

“Shane, would you do us the honor of hanging this on that hook right there?” Kelsey asks. Shane’s antlers are a bit askew, but he does an exaggerated bow to Kelsey and takes whatever it is, stretching just the slightest bit to hang it on a hook in the center of the room. 

Ryan’s stomach does a strange flip as he sees the decoration unobstructed. Mistletoe. Of course. 

“That’s right! Mistletoe! If you get caught under it, you gotta kiss!” Sara announces to the room. “A weird tradition? Yup! Not nearly as cool as the Norse versions? Also yup! But we’re doing it and Shane’s the first victim!” She tugs the tall man down to her level, and he goes willingly, wrapping his arms around her to dip her into a soft kiss right on the lips.

There are catcalls and wolf whistles and whoops of encouragement, because the party’s been in full swing for a while and people are in that kind of mood. Almost immediately, Curly’s pushing forward before Shane moves away. “Shane, _ cariño, _before you break my heart!”

And Shane’s laughing and Sara’s laughing and Kelsey’s pushing Shane into Curly, still under the mistletoe. And Shane grabs his face in both hands and plants one right on the lips, closed-mouth, but certainly more than a quick peck.

Ryan’s mouth goes dry, seeing it. Even as Shane draws back, laughing, and Curly turns to the crowd to fan himself, hamming it up, Ryan keeps replaying it in his mind. It’s one thing to know, in theory, that Shane is bi too, that it’s possible that he’d kiss women and men and anyone else who fits his amorphous type. But _ dear god, _ it’s quite another to see it. And Ryan’s brain keeps tweaking it, trying to see himself in Curly’s place, trying to imagine what it would _ feel _ like.

“Hey, you good, Bergara?” Andrew asks, elbowing him. “Hope your delicate sensibilities haven’t been offended, it _ is _ a Buzzfeed party, after all.”

“Oh, no, not at all,” Ryan says, recovering quickly. “I’m just planning my escape for when Curly comes for me, too.”

Andrew grins. “Good call, you’re definitely next. Here, you might need this.” He hands Ryan another wine. “Have you, uh, seen Steven tonight?”

“Shane said he’d seen him earlier, but I didn’t. He’s probably with the snacks.”

“Cool, thanks, see you ‘round. Don’t get too mistletoed out.” Andrew nods and he’s off into the crowd.

Ryan sidles around the room to the regular tables, eyeing the circle of space in the middle that is his mind has now been branded the Mistletoe Area of Danger (or M.A.D. for short. Why is his brain like this? Who knows). Various people are filling it, loud and happy and kissing everyone around them. Curly’s in the thick of it, of course. But Kelsey’s still there, egging people on. Ryan’s about to look away when Sara comes up behind her and taps her on the shoulder. Kelsey turns, and immediately goes a little pink. But Sara smiles softly, and then she’s looping an arm around Kelsey’s shoulders and pulling her in to kiss her gently. Their eyes are both closed, and it lasts for a moment, then two, then three, and if more people weren’t loud and wild around them they would be drawing the attention of the entire room. Heck, Ryan’s affected, because they just fit together so well.

He’s distracted as he bumps into someone, then looks up to see that it’s Shane. Shane’s watching the same display, where Sara and Kelsey have stopped kissing, but Kelsey’s shyly tucking Sara’s curls behind her ear and they haven’t broken contact.

“They look good together, huh?” Ryan says softly, so only Shane can hear.

He shakes himself a little and looks down at Ryan, cheeks slightly pink. “Yeah, I’ll say. You know about the,” he gestures vaguely to Sara and back to himself, “right?”

“Yeah, Sara’s told me all about you two,” Ryan says, also gesturing vaguely. “She said you wingmanned for her with Kels.”

“That’s generous,” Shane laughs._"She _ doesn’t need the help.”

“Oh, like you do?” Ryan asks, and it’s teasing but calculated, right in that sweet spot where Shane could laugh it off or maybe, _ maybe _he’ll answer honestly.

Shane’s eyes dart to him, then back to Sara, then back to Ryan. “How much did she tell you?”

Ryan’s heart stutters. Is he not supposed to know? It would be weird for him to act as if Shane had actually come out to him, right? Maybe Sara wasn’t supposed to tell him? “I, uh, just some. That it’s going well, mostly. And about Kelsey.”

Shane nods. “Oh, okay. Good. I guess. Right. Uh- I suddenly find myself wanting another nog, can I get you one?” Shane’s voice is a bit higher than normal.

“Yeah, that would be great, thanks big guy.”

Shane looks like he wants to say something else, but shakes his head slightly and moves off towards the drink table. Ryan stays, sipping off the last of his mulled wine and setting the cup down on a free table. His veins are thrumming with nervousness, but the drinks are having their effect, loosening the nerves into just pure energy. He watches the crowd for a bit. Someone is in a Santa suit, complete with a huge beard that obscures their face and what looks like a fluffy pillow stuffed into the front. People are laughing and taking turns sitting on their lap. Currently it’s Andrew, who’s clearly had several more drinks since Ryan last saw him if the pinkness in his cheeks is any indication.

He wanders through the crowd a bit, but forgets to watch his feet. It’s not until someone grabs his hand that he realizes he’s stumbled into the M.A.D.

And of course, the person holding his hand is Curly.

“Ryan! _ Mi corazón! Feliz navidad!” _ His curls are bouncing on top of a shining smile and Ryan’s comfortably buzzed and maybe this is how he gets the nerves out. Curly pulls him under the mistletoe and he lets him, laughing hard. There’s a hand on his hip and one cupping his cheek, and he lets his hands settle on Curly’s waist in return. Dark eyes are dancing behind his stylish frames as Curly leans in.

It’s softer than Ryan expected, what with Curly being _ Curly. _It’s nice, smooth and warm and not pressing too hard, and just the slightest hint of stubble. But then he feels the nudge of tongue against his lips and draws back, arching an eyebrow at Curly. The man’s unapologetic, shrugging as if to say, _ can you blame me for trying? _

But they’re both laughing again, at his reaction and the whole situation, and Ryan’s throwing his head back, and then he looks across the crowd and sees Shane. Shane is _ staring, _ unabashedly. Ryan is worried for a second, looking for revulsion or disappointment, but he just sees the same pink-at-the-edges look from before, when it was Sara and Kelsey.

Some mad bravery seizes him then, a weird heady feeling that makes him feel invincible, and he locks eyes with Shane and winks. 

Turns out it really _ is _contagious.

Shane’s cheeks go a much darker red, but he stays rooted to the spot on the edge of the room. Ryan disentangles himself from Curly entirely and crooks a finger at Shane. _ Come here. _

The craziest part is, it works. Shane makes his way through the crowd, holding two cups in front of him like some protective buffer. But then he’s there, close enough to touch, looking down at Ryan with that same somewhat-awestruck expression. Ryan takes one of the drinks from him, prying it out of his hand. He leans in to speak into Shane’s ear under the party noise. “Thanks, big guy.”

Shane _ shivers. _ Not a lot. But noticeably. Ryan’s heartbeat is pounding in his ears. He might actually be able to do this. Shane might _ actually _ be attracted to him in return. _ Holy shit. _

He raises his glass in a toast to Shane, who automatically raises his glass in return. Their glasses clink, but Ryan meets Shane’s eyes as he takes a sip, and maintains eye contact as he swallows and lowers his glass. Shane’s eyes are locked on his and his expression hasn’t wavered, still some cocktail of disbelief and interest and what Ryan truly hopes he’s reading correctly as attraction.

He looks up significantly, then back at Shane. Shane copies him, then double-takes, seeing the mistletoe anew. He’s definitely blushing now, visible even in the half-dark of the party lights.

“Ry, I-”

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to, Shane,” Ryan murmurs, as close to Shane’s ear as he can get without fully pressing himself up against Shane’s body.

“That’s- uh, that’s not the current issue,” Shane responds feebly. He takes a breath, letting his eyes close. “I’m, ah. I’m bisexual, Ryan, I don’t want you to think it’s just a wacky joke kiss when I, uh, could be attracted to you. Potentially.”

“Potentially?” Ryan asks slyly.

Shane closes his eyes again, seeming to speak more to the general world than Ryan. “Is this a test? Am I being tested? Is there any way to pass this test with dignity?”

“You would’ve had to have some to start with,” Ryan snarks. Then he reaches out with his free hand, squeezing Shane’s arm. “But it’s okay, Shane. I am too.”

Shane’s eyes fly open. “You are? I mean, wait, which one, the potential attraction thing or the bi thing-”

“Both. Except for the ‘potential’ part.”

Shane blinks once, then twice. “Really?”

“Yeah, really.”

Shane’s face breaks into a genuine smile then, all toothy grin and crinkly eyes and Ryan’s heart is currently reminding him _ very _ enthusiastically how he developed this infatuation in the first place.

“Is it bad that I only have two thoughts right now, and one of them is just ‘hot diggity dog!’?” Shane asks, laughing at himself even as his hand mirrors Ryan’s and he slides it up Ryan’s arm to squeeze his bicep.

“Depends, what’s the other thought?”

“I sure would like to kiss you right now,” Shane says, and his fingers tense just the slightest bit. Ryan’s chest twinges in recognition. He knows that fear of rejection, even now. And there’s one very definitive way he can fix that, for both of them.

He slides his hand up Shane’s arm, past his shoulder, and cups his neck gently. He applies the slightest pressure and Shane’s leaning down, closing the gap. Ryan’s eyes flutter closed in anticipation and then-

Oh, _ wow. _

Objectively, yes, it’s the same thing as kissing women. It’s the same action he just did with Curly. But _ holy shit, _ nothing has ever been this different before.

Shane’s lips are soft, dry but not chapped, and his huge hand with its long, slender fingers is clasped loosely around his shoulder. The kiss is closed-mouth, just lips pressed sweetly together, but there’s a heat behind it that is driving Ryan just a bit wild. It tastes like an offer, or maybe a promise, and Ryan feels an answering heat in his gut at the prospect of discovering more.

He breaks off the kiss at length, but doesn’t move away. He just stares up at Shane as the taller man’s eyes flutter open, and they stare at each other, breathless. 

“Ry-”

“Shane, that was-”

“Hot as _ hell,” _ Curly breathes out, fanning himself. _ “Dios mío, _ thank you for this gift.” 

Ryan feels Shane’s muscles tense up because he’s feeling _ himself _ tense. Every instinct is screaming, telling him _ get away, let go, run away, everyone is WATCHING, they are judging, they can SEE you!_

But he forces himself to stay still, orders his muscles to relax, and he smiles over at Curly. “Hey, you got a turn with each of us, but the ghoul boys gotta stick together. Can’t let pretty men get in between us.”

“Oh, hun, I can _ get _ in between you two,” Curly replies with a wink. “And I’m flattered you think I’m pretty.”

“I see right through you, Curly-man,” Shane pipes up. “Trying to turn poor Ryan’s head. He’s a delicate soul, all be-spooked from the ghosties he keeps seeing. This is why we gotta stick together. We took an oath, you know.”

Ryan turns up to face him, his public smile melting into something more natural. “That’s right. We took an oath.” He tugs at the collar of Shane’s sweater, and walks over to a table, finally setting his drink down. Shane follows and copies him, but doesn’t speak, just stares at Ryan.

“You good, big guy?” Ryan asks.

Shane nods. “I mean, understatement, but yeah. Good. Excellent. Wonderful. You _ kissed _me.”

“I did,” Ryan replies, almost laughing at the near-reverent tone. “There was mistletoe and everything.”

“I’m a bit surprised Sara didn’t appear to start egging us on,” Shane admits. 

“I think she’s busy,” Ryan replies, nudging him with a wink.

“Good for her, I knew she wasn’t gonna be coming home tonight,” Shane says proudly.

A thought occurs to Ryan. A dangerous, risky, _ wonderful _ thought. “Shane?”

“Yeah?”

“If she’s not going home tonight, does that mean your place will be empty?”

“Yeah, it’ll be just me, why-” and then he stops short. He’s staring at Ryan and - is that? - yes, his mouth is actually hanging open. He makes a sound that is probably intended to be words but comes out as a squeak. He clears his throat, cheeks glowing red, and tries again. “Are you asking to, uh, come home with me?”

Ryan’s nerves are burning, every part of his body alight. He can’t remember the last time he was this nervous, or wanted something _ this much. _ “I- I think I am, yeah. If you want.” 

So much for being suave and confident. At least he didn’t say “If you wouldn’t mind.”

Shane takes a long sip of his egg nog, and the red in his cheeks looks like it’s finally fading. He places the empty glass back on the table with a decisive thud. “Okay. Let’s go.”

Oh fuck. This is real. This is happening. “Right now?” Ryan asks, heart pounding in his ears.

Shane attempts a smile, but it’s not quite his normal grin. It’s a bit more forced, a bit trembly, and Ryan recognizes the mirror of his own nerves reflected back at him in Shane’s face. “If we don’t go now, I’m gonna lose my nerve, and that would be a darn shame because I would _ really _ like to take you home.”

That sends an agreeable shudder down Ryan’s spine, and he copies Shane, draining the last of his egg nog. “After you, big guy,” he says with a smile, sweeping an arm out towards the door.

Shane starts towards the exit, then looks back, confirming that Ryan’s really following. He is, and he winks at Shane again, surprising a laugh out of him. And then they’re both just chuckling as they wave goodbye to friends still at the party and make their way out.They aren’t holding hands, not arm-in-arm, but Ryan’s nudging Shane with his shoulder as they wait for the car to pick them up. Normally, it’s Shane who nudges Ryan, when they’re on location and the nerves are building. _ Hey, I’m here. We’ll be alright. _ Usually followed with a quip about yelling at empty rooms. Now, Ryan returns it, hoping it communicates even a quarter of the comfort that it does when Shane does it to him. From the soft smile Shane shoots back at him and the subtle relaxing of his shoulders, he’s willing to bet it worked.

In the dark of the backseat, Ryan starts to worry again. Shane’s sitting up against the opposite window and while he keeps looking over, he’s still keeping his distance. Is he having second thoughts? His hand is pale against the dark material of the seats, fingers flexing against the leather. Is that nervousness? Anxiety? Revulsion?

Or maybe it’s not knowing how to make the first move. 

Ryan places his hand next to Shane’s, barely touching, but close. Shane starts. He looks up at Ryan, and Ryan’s never seen this particular smile before - it’s hesitant and small and _ shy. _ Nothing he’s ever associated with Shane. But it’s also grateful, and Shane reaches over to link their hands together. Ryan squeezes back, and he can feel a blush working its way into his cheeks again. They hold hands the entire way back to Shane’s apartment.

**~~~~~**

The familiarity of following Shane up is comforting. Ryan’s been here countless times. Here’s the worn welcome mat, and past the door there’s Obi, yowling for attention and food. Ryan satisfies the first, scratching under his fluffy chin as Shane quickly fills his food bowl.

Shane pauses in the living room, halfway between the door and the short hallway that leads to his bedroom. He’s staring at Ryan again. Ryan is fairly certain he’s unaware that he’s biting his lip as he stares.

“If this is too much, we can stop,” Ryan offers. His heart is screaming at him to not even make the offer, but his head knows better. “We can take a rain check. Or, you know. Just go back to normal.”

Shane lets out a surprised huff. “Pretty sure going back is no longer an option, Ry-guy. Not now that I know you’re an… option.”

“An ‘option’? That makes me sound like some weird customizable feature. ‘Life of the Madej, now with the Ryan Bergara DLC’.”

Shane’s rubbing his neck awkwardly. “You know what I mean,” he says helplessly. “I’ve- fuck, I’ve been thinking about this for years and I never thought it could ever be real and now that it is I have no idea what I’m doing.”

Ryan steps a little closer. “At least that makes two of us?”

“You don’t know what you’re doing?”

“I meant more the imagining-for-years part but. It _ has _ been a while.”

“...does that mean you’ve, uh. Been with a man before?”

Ryan tilts his head. “Is that interest or nerves asking?”

“Can’t it be both?”

“It was just once, not the, uh, full deal.”

Shane takes a deep breath. “That’s more than I can say. I’ve been wanting to try but it’s never happened for me, because I was always too nervous and women are just _ safer-” _

“I get it, man. Like I said, we can rain check if you don’t want this to happen right now.”

“Oh, no, I do,” Shane cuts in. “Hoo boy, do I want this. I’m just- a little nervous. I want to get it perfect.”

Ryan takes one more step closer, and now they’re chest-to-chest and Ryan tentatively rests a hand on Shane’s waist. “You’re not the only one nervous, Shane. I want to make it perfect too. I think we’ve got a good shot, as long as we’re trying together.”

Shane cracks a grin, and grips Ryan’s waist in return. “Since when are you the one with the sensible, calming advice?”

Ryan grins back. “Hey, unlike you, I’ve actually spent the last three years being actually scared of those creepy-ass houses and going in anyway.”

“Can’t argue with that,” Shane says. His eyes keep dropping to Ryan’s lips and then back to his eyes, but Ryan waits. He wants to let Shane escalate on his own terms. And eventually, he does, leaning down and softly pressing their mouths together. Ryan kisses back, a little harder than before, but still restrained, letting Shane control. He hums his contentment into Shane’s mouth.

That’s the trigger, apparently. There’s the feeling of Shane’s tongue prodding at his lips. He grants him access, letting their mouths slot together in slick kisses. He pulls Shane in by the hips, pressing their bodies together, and Shane loops his arms around his neck, pulling him closer. There’s so much heat and sweetness where their mouths meet, just as delicious and intoxicating as the hot mulled wine. Shane explores his mouth and Ryan explores his. Ryan squeezes Shane’s hips and slides his hands along his torso, exploring his body. He _ knows _it, of course, he’s been traveling and working with this man for years, but now the sensation is in his fingertips, too, and he’s determined to map this familiar topography thoroughly. Shane copies him, sliding his hands down his shoulders, but he stops at Ryan’s biceps. He makes a slightly strangled sound into Ryan’s mouth as he squeezes the bulging muscles there.

Ryan withdraws just to smirk up at him. “Like what you’re finding, big guy?”

“This has gotta be illegal,” Shane breathes. “Fuck, Ry, I knew you were fit but _ damn.” _

Ryan smirks and flexes underneath Shane’s hand, and Shane _ groans. _ “Mercy, please, I’m already so turned on,” he pleads. Then he’s kissing Ryan again, this time with even more enthusiasm, hands running down Ryan’s arms and across his chest. Ryan kisses back, slick and demanding, grabbing Shane’s hips and slipping a hand back to cup his ass.

“Sorry, there’s not much there,” Shane mutters against Ryan’s mouth.

“I’ve got a handful, I’m happy,” Ryan replies.

“I like making you happy,” Shane admits, and kisses him once more before his cheeks can get any more red.

Ryan’s head is whirling with new discoveries and sensations and a slight childish undercurrent of _ oh my god he likes me! _But there’s another undercurrent too, one that’s much more insistent, one that flows from the heat building in his gut. It urges him to push Shane back, to push him back onto the couch, and that’s what he does. And god, what a brilliant idea, now he can straddle Shane’s waist as they continue to kiss, getting progressively sloppier and more heated. Particularly when Ryan experimentally shifts his hips and discovers that Shane’s as hard as he is. 

Shane head falls back with a moan. “Ry?”

“Yeah?”

“I think we should maybe move to the bedroom?”

“I knew you were smart.”

There’s a lot of tugging and laughing as they both try to be the one leading the other down the hall. Let it never be said that their competitiveness has ever been just for the camera.

But then they’re in Shane’s bedroom and _ holy shit his bed is _ _ right _ _ there _ and Ryan is just distracted enough that Shane’s able to pin him to the wall, arms bracketed around him as he trails hot kisses down his neck.

“No marks,” Ryan gasps, eyes closed. “At least, nothing above the collar.”

“You got it,” Shane responds, and immediately pushes fabric aside to start sucking a mark into his collarbone, just at the line where it will _ definitely _ be visible in his favorite shirts

“You little shit!” Ryan gasps out, and pushes Shane back. He pushes with enough force that Shane stumbles back and falls onto the bed. Ryan takes the advantage, pulling off his sweater and shirt in one motion and crawling up to straddle Shane once more. He delights in the way he can just _ see _ Shane’s desire to move melt away as his eyes take in Ryan shirtless. He flexes again, just to watch Shane’s pupils dilate.

“Hey. My eyes are up here,” he teases.

Shane automatically looks up. “This is the best fuckin’ view, holy shit.”

“I can think of a couple better ones,” Ryan says with a smirk.

“Any in particular?” Shane asks, breathless and willing.

“Let’s start with getting this ridiculous sweater off of you.” 

“I happen to like Krampus!”

“Shane, you’re very hot, but if you think I’m gonna fuck you in a god damn Krampus sweater, maybe this won’t work out.”

Shane immediately flushes a bright, bright red. He busies himself with pulling his sweater and shirt off, but Ryan drapes himself over him the minute he’s free, murmuring directly into his ear.

“What did you like so much about that, Shane? Me calling you hot?”

“Nuh-uh,” he grunts, and Ryan can practically feel the heat radiating off his cheeks. 

“Then what was it?”

“I- uh. That is. Um. Shit, I should be able to say this, we’ve just been smoochin’, you’re shirtless on top of me-” Shane groans, turning his face away from Ryan, trying to hide his embarrassment. 

Ryan pushes himself up just enough to turn Shane’s head back to facing him. “It’s okay. You don’t have to say it. Do you-” he swallows down butterflies, hoping he’s read this right, “do you want me to fuck you, Shane?”

Shane lets out a low, breathy, _ “Fuck, _ yes.”

Oh. _Oh._ _Wow,_ yes, Ryan would like that too. His cock strains against his jeans at the thought and at Shane’s expression.

This time, Ryan initiates the kiss. He twists his hands in Shane’s hair with a level of satisfaction that only comes from wanting to do so for a _ very _ long time. Shane’s hands are tracing down his naked torso and slipping around to cup his ass. Ryan has been worrying about this, all of this, for months on end after wishing it could be real for years, but now he’s surprised by how _ easy _ it all feels. To shift his hips just _ so, _ to tug Shane’s head just like _ that, _ to deepen the kiss right _ there. _

He breaks off and braces himself on his arms above Shane, looking down, both a little breathless.

“You doing good?”

“Fine and dandy!” Shane replies, flashing his goofiest grin up at Ryan. And now they’re both snickering, and it’s all so comfortable and familiar and _oh__ right, _ _ this _ _ is why I wanted this. _ Because it’s not just an experiment, it’s not just confirming a sexuality, it’s _ them, _ and Ryan suddenly knows that he was 100% correct before. As long as it’s them, it’ll be perfect.

Shane’s still laughing when Ryan’s hands drift to his belt, undoing it and the buttons on his chinos, and Shane suddenly goes quiet. He hesitates a second, then helps Ryan get his pants open and pulled down and off, and boxers too. 

Ryan takes a moment to stare._ “Damn, _I didn’t realize I was being so literal when I called you big guy.”

Shane blushes. “I, uh. That’s good, right?”

“No I thought I would just complain about how big your dick is. Really a terrible turn of events. I’m heartbroken and disappointed.”

“Shut up, Ry, I’m naked and nervous.”

“Better than Naked and Afraid,” Ryan quips back, and he shifts to remove his jeans too.

Shane gulps visibly watching him strip, and his cock twitches in interest. “Fuck, Ry, you’re _ hot.” _

“You don’t need to sound so surprised.”

“Not surprised, just feelin’- feelin’ very lucky right about now. Hashtag #blessed and all that.”

Another butterfly in Ryan’s stomach melts away at the very earnest compliment, and he shrugs, grinning. “I do carry a lot of holy water, nice to see it’s paying off.” He goes to crawl back onto the bed, but pauses. “Hey, Shane. What do you want to happen now? I don’t want to move too fast.”

Shane draws in a breath as his gaze rakes up and down Ryan’s form. “I would like… fuck, I don’t know, anything that lets me get my hands on you real soon.”

Ryan nods, and pushes Shane over so that he has space to lie next to him, face-to-face. He pulls Shane in for another kiss with one hand, and trails the other down to trace around his long, straining cock. Shane has much less restraint, wrapping his hand with those long, slim fingers directly around his cock. Even dry, his hand is warm and the pressure is amazing and Ryan groans his appreciation into his mouth. He reciprocates, wrapping his hand around him in turn and slowly, slowly dragging from hilt to head, earning some very satisfying shudders.

“Lube?” he asks, parting their mouths for just a moment. 

Shane nods and momentarily lets go, turning to the drawers by the bed and pulling out a small bottle. Ryan grabs it from him, pooling out just a little on his hand and immediately wrapping back around Shane’s length. Shane groans and involuntarily bucks up into Ryan’s hand, gasping out, _ “Fuck!” _

It takes him a second to get his bearings, but then Shane’s copying Ryan and wrapping his slicked-up hand around Ryan’s cock. Ryan lets his eyes flutter closed. “Ugh, yes Shane, just like that.”

He’s keeping up a good pace, pausing to tease at Shane’s slit or press lightly just under the perineum. He even brings in his free hand to cup Shane’s balls and apply pressure just behind them, earning a strangled gasp followed by enthusiastic nodding. Shane isn’t able to keep up a consistent pace from the distraction, by Ryan couldn’t care less. The pressure around his cock feels great, and watching Shane’s face and hearing his sounds is _ far _ more important.

“Ry, fuck, I think I’m gonna-” Shane gasps out, and Ryan immediately stops moving. Shane _ whines. _ “No, fuck, please, don’t stop-”

“I mean, if you _ don’t _ want me to fuck you, I can keep going,” Ryan offers, moving his hand so slowly that it’s pure teasing.

Shane’s eyes open, hazy and blown out with want. “No, no, by all means, I would still like the fuckin’.”

“You sound like you’re ordering off a menu,” Ryan wheezes.

His eyes are clearing and crinkling into that familiar smile again. “Yeah, I’d like the fuckin’ deluxe special please, with a side of a handy and a nice beej to start?”

“If we hadn’t broken out the lube, I could’ve filled that whole order,” Ryan points out. “Guess you’ll have to wait until next time.”

_ Next time. Is there even going to be a next time? What if this is just a one-and-done for him, just an itch he wanted to scratch, a fun story and never again? _

But Shane interrupts his train of thought to say, “I’m gonna hold you to that, Bergara. Next time.” And he’s smiling as earnestly as he ever does, and Ryan can’t help but believe him.

“Are you ready to move on to the entrée?” he asks with a smirk.

“Is that just keepin’ the menu bit going or are you just making a bad joke about entering me?”

“Why can’t it be both?”

“Yeah, I’m ready.”

“Get up on your hands and knees, then.”

Shane obeys and Ryan grabs the lube bottle. He pushes down the jittery nerves that refuse to go away. Yes, fine, he’s never done this to another person, but he’s watched enough, read enough, and he knows what it feels like on himself. He can do this.

“Have you done any of this before?” he asks Shane.

“Uh, yeah, a bit. Um, Sar’s helped once or twice, but mostly it’s been on my own.”

A knot twists in Ryan’s gut. Shit, he has something to compare to, he’ll know if Ryan fucks it up! “Okay, just tell me if I’m moving too much or too fast, or if it’s too cold or anything.”

“You’re good, Ry. I trust you,” Shane says softly, twisting to look back at him. Warmth spreads through Ryan, quieting the jitters just a little bit more.

He lubes up his fingers, letting it warm before he touches. He trails around Shane’s opening softly, not going directly for it, letting the muscles tense initially and then start to relax. He runs his free hand over the curve of Shane’s ass and hip and prods in with the tip of his first finger. Shane’s entire body goes still, and he hears the long, slow exhale as Shane adjusts and relaxes. He slides in further, and the resistance isn’t as bad as he expected. He listens closely to Shane’s breathing and noises as he clears the first knuckle, but Shane only eggs him on with a quiet, “Yeah, Ry, keep going.” He rotates his hand once, then gently withdraws to add a second finger. Shane reacts less noticeably, just a deep exhale that could be a soft moan. Slowly, listening hard, he slides both fingers all the way in and stretches them, pressing against Shane’s walls. “Fuuuckk,” Shane breathes out. “Yeah, ‘s good, just a little to the left-”

Ryan obediently angles over, and Shane’s entire body shivers violently. “Fuck, Ry! Right there!”

Ryan scissors his fingers, working Shane open, and goes for the prostate again. This time he doesn’t need Shane’s directions but earns himself another shivering groan.

“You need another one?” Ryan asks softly.

“No, I’m good,” Shane replies. “I’m real good. Please, Ryan, need more than your fingers.”

“You wanna stay like this or be on your back?”

Shane pauses for just a second before responding. “Back?”

Ryan withdraws entirely, letting Shane turn over. _ Oh, yeah, this is better. _ There’s a beautiful flush on Shane’s cheeks that spreads down his neck to his chest and he’s staring up at him, breathing heavily, eyes lidded, cock red and leaking. 

He’s struck with another wave of nerves. This is _ it, _ as _ it _as it can get, and fuck, what if he does something wrong or god forbid, hurts him in some way? It’s all so new, what if it all falls apart because he doesn’t know what he’s doing?

Shane reaches out and grabs his wrist. “You good, little guy?” His eyes are more open now, warm and trusting, eyebrows dimpled in concern.

“I’m- I wanna get this right,” Ryan admits. 

“You’ve been doing great,” Shane reassures him. “I’m feelin’ good, you’re looking hot as ever, I think we’re ready to get your dick in me.”

Ryan wheezes, and the knot in his chest loosens. “Well when you put it like _ that. _You ready to dance, big boy?”

“Rock ‘n’ roll, buckaroo!” Shane quips back, grinning madly up at him as he rolls on a condom and lubes himself up. He shifts Shane’s legs, bracing them apart, making room for himself to kneel in between them and line himself up with Shane’s opening.

He takes a deep breath, cock aching, and looks up at Shane as he pushes in. Their eyes lock briefly, and then Shane’s eyes are fluttering closed as he gasps. “Oh, _ wow, _that’s-”

Ryan’s head is surrounded by hot, tight pressure on all sides and every single thought is zeroed in on that feeling alone. He pauses, breathing deep, until he sees Shane nod. He moves in slowly, inching down, pausing to let Shane adjust, drinking in every single gasp, swear, or moan that drops from the man’s lips.

Finally, he slides home, burying himself to the hilt, and he collapses onto Shane’s chest. “Fuck, feel so _ good,” _ he mumbles into Shane’s ear. “So tight, _ shit.” _

Shane’s chest is heaving. “I- god, you feel so good, Ry. Please, ‘m good, you can move.”

Ryan doesn’t need a second invitation, He draws back, watching in fascination at his own glistening cock emerging before sliding back fully, burying himself in Shane’s tight heat. _ Oh FUCk, shit, yes, so good- _"So fucking _good!"_

His thoughts are spilling out of his mouth, internal and external monologues united as he thrusts in and out, harmonizing with Shane’s breathy gasps and moans.

On the next thrust, he must brush Shane’s prostate again, because the tall man swears loudly and loops his legs around Ryan’s torso, trapping him in with just enough space to keep thrusting.

_ “FUCK, _ Ry! Yes, please, _ yes."_

If Ryan wasn’t gone before, hearing Shane’s breathy pleas absolutely ruins him. The pressure and need is building in his groin, and his words devolve even further into just sounds and gasps and moans. The movement of his hips is getting more and more erratic even as he speeds up.

“Shane, fuck, ‘m gonna-”

“Please, yes, don’t stop-”

In the haze of want, Ryan pulls out a single coherent thought and braces himself so that he can keep thrusting, rocketing towards climax, while his free hand wraps around Shane’s leaking cock. There’s no finesse, no teasing, just frantic pumping as their breathing gets ragged and the words slur into sounds and then Ryan’s almost yelling as he comes, thrusting hard and deep into Shane as his cock pulses. Shane’s shuddering underneath him, and then he’s coming too, spurting out over Ryan’s hand and his own chest.

All Ryan wants to do is collapse, but he should probably remove his softening cock first. Also, they’re both a _ mess. _

Shane’s panting hard, eyes closed. “Fuuuuuuuuuck,” he breathes out. Without looking, one long arm is over the side of the bed and grabbing a pair of boxers.

“Don’ wanna move,” he murmurs, trying to wipe himself up with the fabric.

“Gross,” Ryan says without vigor. He removes himself carefully, checking the condom, and levers himself up and off the bed.

“No, come back,” Shane says, eyes half-closed, one arm reaching out.

“Don’t worry, I’m coming.”

“More like you _ were.” _

“Shut up, Shane.” It’s as fond as it’s ever been, said with a smile that’s on its way towards sleepy.

Ryan stumbles to the bathroom, hips starting to feel the effort, and neatly disposes of the condom. He grabs and dampens a washcloth on the way back, and surprises Shane’s eyes open by wiping the sticky mess off of him.

“Thanks, Ry,” he says softly. The way he’s looking up at him makes Ryan’s stomach twist with some strange combination of endearment and warmth and abashedness.

He’s feeling so many things that he might just spew them all out in a terrible word vomit of confessions, so he pushes them and Shane aside to make room for himself. “Stop hogging all the bed, I worked hard, I deserve to lie down.”

“I’ll say you did. Fuck, that was… that was sure _ somethin’.” _

Ryan’s tempted to point out that Shane gets his most Midwestern when he’s flustered but settles on just saying, “It sure was.”

Shane rolls halfway over to pull Ryan in closer, leaving his long arm draped over his torso. “I mean it, Ry. I really enjoyed that. Not just the fuckin’. All of this.”

Ryan blushes faintly, which is ridiculous, they are both still naked and still in the afterglow, how can he possibly be self-conscious? But he is, all the same. “I, uh. Yeah, I really liked it, too.” 

Shane’s staring, their faces only half a pillow apart, and the warmth in his smile keeps making Ryan drop his gaze, unable to maintain eye contact.

“You good, little guy? You peachy?”

Ryan snorts. “Peachy? Really?”

Shane just shrugs, smiling still. It’s like his face is a fucking sun lamp, and it’s just as hard to look at directly.

“Yeah, I’m good, I just- I dunno, man. It feels a little surreal. I’ve had this suppressed crush for so long and now there’s _ this _,” he gestures to all of Shane, still very much naked and facing him, “and part of me can’t believe it’s real.”

“Believe it, baby!” Shane says, shifting into his bit voice. “This is the complete Shane Experience! The Full Madej!” 

Ryan wheezes, leaning in, head against Shane’s shoulder. A long arm loops up around his shoulders, holding him there.

“What’s it really, Ry?” Shane asks, softly now. “You’ve got the face on.”

“The face?”

“The one that means you’re either overthinking life or imagining how the ghouls are going to kill you.”

Ryan looks up, meeting a pair of very earnest eyes. God, Shane knows him so well. Is it any wonder he’s so entirely gone for him?

“I mean. ‘Next time’ was mentioned. Did you mean that? Or is this just an itch you wanted to scratch, a one-and-done kinda thing-”

“After the night we’ve had? Oh, I’m doing this again. I’m joinin’ the frequent flyers club. Gonna get me a whole loyalty card’s worth of punches on the ol’ Bergara Express.”

Ryan can’t help but chuckle at the familiar banter. “What, get fucked 9 nines and the 10th’s on me?”

“Does that mean I get to ride you?”

Ryan wheezes again. “Yeah, sure, big guy. You can do the work one of these times.”

Shane cups the back of his neck then, and pulls him into a kiss, soft and slow. “I’m gonna hold you to that,” he says as they part. His voice is a little hoarse, and his hand lingers at Ryan’s neck, playing with his hair. “Was that it, you were just worried I might not want this to happen again?”

“Uh.” Ryan’s a little distracted by the soft scratching, but mostly his brain is scrambling to put the current worry into Non-Crazy-Person terms. Shane doesn’t need the whole firehose’s worth of spiraling. “It’s not just the repeating, it’s the, um. I don’t know, status? Like, obviously there’s you and Sar, I guess, like, am I gonna be the side piece or whatever?”

“Ryan Bergara, are you asking ‘what are we’?”

“...fuck, yeah, I guess I am.”

Shane shrugs a little. “What do you want to be?”

“Eight inches taller so I can call _ you _ little guy.”

“I mean it, Ry.”

Ryan’s head falls back and he lets out a breath into a slight groan. “I- fuck, I don’t know, this is _ feelings-” _

“Don’t you dare try to play the emotionless frat bro when you just tenderly fucked me not 15 minutes hence,” Shane interrupts.

“I- tenderly?”

Shane flushes just a little. “You know what I mean. C’mon, no sidetracks. What do you want, Ry?”

“I- I truly don’t know. I mean it. Like, yeah, kinda want this to be more than just boning, but you know I love you and Sara together and I wouldn’t ever want to get in the middle of that-”

“Uh, speaking of,” Shane says, clearing his throat a little. “When she was, ah, giving me a pep talk-”

“Was the pep talk just her chanting ‘smooch him, smooch him, smooch him’?”

“You know her so well. Yeah, so in between the chants, she may have thrown in an off-comment about ‘smooch him so that _ I _can smooch him too’. And also made it clear that I was to communicate said comment to you, given the opportunity.”

Up to this point, Ryan’s been very sure that it will take at least a full day for his body to recover, but the thought of- _ oh my god, them _ _ both_ \- is proving that his dick is not yet fully out of commission. 

“I- would like that,” Ryan gets out finally. 

“Oh thank god,” Shane says, kissing his cheek. “I’m pretty sure you’re the only person in our poly life that could actually make Sara jealous.”

Ryan turns his head, meeting Shane’s lips with his own, kissing languidly, then falls into the pillow with a contented sigh. For the first time all day- all month, really- he feels relaxed. His brain has even gone blissfully quiet, just whispers of sensation from every place their bodies are still touching.

“Mm, now that I know the whole household wants a piece of this-” he mumbles.

“It’s true, even Obi agrees,” Shane cuts in, nodding sagely.

“-’m gonna sleep now. ‘M fucked out,” he finishes, yawns already starting to creep out.

Shane answers by pulling the sheets up, covering them both. “Night, Ry.” He kisses his forehead gently and falls into his own pillow, still touching, but enough space to sleep. Ryan smiles sleepily over, letting his eyes flutter closed. 

He’s got his crush, he’s got an offer to join his crush and his other crush’s world, and he’s got an answer to the identity question that’s been nagging at him for years. And Shane _ likes him. _ What a concept, right?

Ryan Bergara is _ absolutely _fine.

**Author's Note:**

> Have you heard the Good News about the 'Let Shane Be a Bottom' agenda? Because, and I quote from my original idea notes, "TOPPING IS NOT A PERSONALITY TRAIT." 
> 
> That was the main inspiration here, that and the wonderful video that is [A Holiday Miracle](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_dhYGrqTxtI). Which is the sweater Ryan's wearing.


End file.
